Subtle Mind

Well just like many of you, my CD was messed up as well. I am not sure I will even get to hear the fourth one. So, I too had to make it up as I went along.

The start of this section began with me breathing and focusing on the rise and fall of my chest because that seemed more natural to me. I could hear the ocean and instantly my breath fell in line. The ocean is so calming, I continued to see my surroundings. The waves, the rocks, and a natural calming came over me. Then all of a sudden this awful loud scratching sound pierced through my calmness and my heart raced (I have a slight heart murmur) I all of a sudden felt like I was in a scary movie and when I opened my eyes I could see my disc was not playing right. It was kind of scary though when you are that calm and are ripped from it by something like that.

I sat for a few more moments and tried to get back to the calming state I was in but my focus was not the same. All I could see is blackness, a calmness still but only blackness. I guess that is what the CD can do for you. It helps the mind get to the place where you want to be. If I could spend my life on the beach; I would.
Comparing this experience to the loving-kindness experience of course is difficult since I was not able to perform the subtle mind to the fullest. However, they are the same in ways that you need to focus on something. One you focus on someone you love very much and the second you focus on the breathing of yourself. One could say that the exercise wants you to love yourself as much as you loved the person you were thinking of. Knowing that you love yourself helps you to love others. Of course, with the loving-kindness I had no frustration and with the subtle mind exercise I am very frustrated because I did not get to experience the whole thing. However, for a small time frame I was able to be connected with me. I was able to calm myself even after what my mind thought was a scary event. That is being in touch with myself and knowing that I don't hold onto negative things. That I can move from positive to negative and back to positive again. Being able to do this will help my physical state because I will not be tense and activate the pain that I experience in my neck and shoulders. My spiritual self can help the physical self.